I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
