Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
