Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
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I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
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Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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