after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
