i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
