the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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