this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
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He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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