my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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