Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
