Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
