best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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