something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
