Im at strip club and am horny
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
