I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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