My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
