Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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