I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
