if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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