Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
