You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There's always time for handjobs
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
