Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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