I puked a lego.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
