apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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