: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
id be glad to
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
