Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
