Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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