Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
