I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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