just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
