Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
