2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize