You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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