i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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