Jerry, you need to find god
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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