I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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