Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
