I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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