Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
