Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
