I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
