haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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