I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
