I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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