I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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