My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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