They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
cat food counts as protein by the way
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
