she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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