When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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