meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
