just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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