what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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