she woke up with a sticky ear
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
