Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
