I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
