??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
