You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I cannot find my penis.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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