I'm so fucking centered right now
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
