vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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