it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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