My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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