Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
