they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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