I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
