so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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