What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
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I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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